Cyprus v Ireland, October 8th 2005 (0-1)

This is going to be really hard to write. I’ve been dreading it all weekend. I’m actually fed up writing depressing match reports. Why the hell can’t that shower of useless Tommy Tuckers give me the chance to write something positive? I used to enjoy writing these reports, like the one against the Czechs at Lansdowne when we were absolutely brilliant. I want to praise the team & write glowingly about how brilliant they are & how proud I am of them. For the last 12 or 18 months though, it has been getting harder & harder to watch them. Last Saturday was the straw that broke the camels back. It broke my heart to watch that pitiful performance. Thank God for Shay Given!

Thank God too, that the game was at the end of our weeklong trip to Cyprus and not at the beginning. My missus would’ve strangled me if I’d have let the depression brought on by watching my country try to play football, interfere with a holiday that we’d sacrificed an awful lot to go on. And the six days up until about 20 past eight (Cypriot time) on Saturday evening when I realised what type of game I was witnessing, had been quite memorable. Karl and Ruth had arrived on the Sunday before us and Donogh joined them a couple of days later. By the time Caitríona and I arrived late on Sunday night, after the bus journey from hell, they had Ayia Napa well sussed out

Undoubtedly the place to be was the Bhoys Bar just off the main strip. If you’re into a football pub with all things Irish & all things Celtic then this is the place to go if you ever decide to visit this sun-kissed island. Jimmy & Dominic (?) and their staff gave us a great welcome and were really good to us throughout our stay. Thanks guys, we really appreciate it. It was the only pub in Ayia Napa to run buses to the U21 game on Friday and after five days or so sunning ourselves, the football finally started. We headed to Larnaca where we were joined by another 2,000 or so Irish fans, including Fintan who I hadn’t met at an Irish game in years. It had to be record attendance for a Cypriot home U21 match. The only locals there were a handful of coppers, the lads on the gate and the three boys working in the shop. The football wasn’t up much and the Cypriots first half goal, which was gifted to them by an Irish defender, was finally equalised about ten minutes from time by a Willo Flood header from an Aiden McGeady corner. Poor enough game but it can’t have been easy for our lads playing in that heat. At least, the senior team the following night had an evening kick-off and wouldn’t have to be concerned about such prohibitive temperatures!

The day of the game was a typical build-up to an Irish away match. Plenty of pints to get the vocal chords loosened and an eager anticipation building the whole time of what lay ahead. Caitríona reckoned I was like a child waiting for Xmas to come. Pity about the present Santa left me later that evening !!!! Jimmy from the Bhoys Bar had arranged a Barbeque outside the pub, which was quickly devoured by the Irish hordes who gathered throughout the afternoon. He also ran five buses to the game, the first one of which we jumped on to, in order to get to the ground early & get our flags up. Hats off to Jimmy. The organisation of the whole day was impeccable. An hour down the road, during which many free cans were consumed and we arrived at the stadium just outside Nicosia. It was an impressive enough looking ground for such a small country and made me wonder why it is taking us so long to get around to building something similar. Our flags duly took their place on the back wall at the North end of the ground where we were seated. Then it was down to business.

First things first. We won. We got three points. We are still in the World Cup. We have one of the best keepers in the world. End of good news. There is nothing else positive to take from this game. We started quite well and were clearly the better team. After six or seven minutes, Robbie did really well, making a nuisance of himself in their box and hooking a ball goalwards over his shoulder. Young Stephen Elliot followed the flight the whole way and latched on to it before a defender could react, dispatching it first time past their keeper who hadn’t a chance. The Cypriot no.1 duly picked the ball out of the net & amazingly didn’t touch the ball for the rest of the night!

How can anyone explain what happened? Brian Kerr is the manager and he is responsible for how the team play & what the game plan is to be. Was there a game plan? If there was, did it involve shutting up shop after we went one up (not for the first time in this Qualification group). If it did, he should be sacked immediately. We were playing Cyprus for Gods sake. Not Brazil or Argentina or even Israel. It was Cyprus. One up against Cyprus after six minutes & with 90% of the crowd supporting you, surely you just play football and let the goals come. Alas no. Individually, we were atrocious. Our play was littered with stupid schoolboy mistakes and lapses in concentration. Collectively, we were even worse. Our passing was a complete shambles, when we tried to pass. More often than not we just resorted to giving it the big boot up the pitch and giving away possession.

I don’t want to start picking on individuals because each of the eight men directly in front of our brilliant no.1 from Donegal were equally pathetic. The full backs never supported the wide midfielders. The wide midfielders never took anyone on or gave any sort of a decent service to the front two. The central midfielders were shockingly bad. Their passing was a joke and Cyprus played their way through them as if they weren’t there. The central defenders looked like 2 lemons that had been picked up on the way to the ground and had as much footballing ability as Laurel & Hardy. There was no communication & no leadership, no one to just take the ball down and steady the ship. No-one could play a simple ball without messing it up. And no one had the guts to try a decent through ball that our front two could get on the end of. We continued to hoof our way through the night despite the Cypriot defence easily dealing with the high ball. And these fellas that our management and players thought were Brazil in disguise, actually started to play with a bit of Brazilian flair. They began to carve us open and pass us off the park. It was getting embarrassing to watch.

Shay had already made a fantastic stop with his feet when Richie Dunne came up with the most idiotic attempt of a tackle in our box. You’ll never see a more obvious penalty. If your young fella tried to tackle like that in a local U10’s game, his coaches’d give him a severe dressing down. The one good thing about his piece of clumsiness was that allowed me witness one of the best penalty stops I can remember. The Cypriot no.9 who had been chopped down by Dunne hit the kick well. Shay flung himself to his right and extended his left hand upwards and out to palm the ball away to safety. I’m sure he’d admit himself that compared to some keepers he doesn’t stop an awful lot of spot-kicks but this one was top drawer and well worth waiting for. Unfortunately, his night’s work was far from done and he continued to keep the Cypriots at bay throughout the first half.

Half time came and had this game not cost us the guts of three grand between us to attend, I’d have grabbed my wife’s hand and marched out of the ground in disgust. Alright, I exaggerate, but I really didn’t want to have to witness any more of that drivel. The second half was slightly better from an Irish point of view in that the Cypriots tired and didn’t create as much as they had in the first 45 minutes. Our football however, was still non-league, not International standard. Elliot, who was easily our second most impressive performer on the night found Robbie with a lovely ball about ten minutes from the end, but unsurprisingly his touch was terrible and took him away from goal. He did well to beat the keeper with his shot but his crap first touch had allowed a defender to get back and the ball was hooked away from danger. We hung on for three priceless points but it is really hard to see them winning on Wednesday.

If we somehow manage to up the level of our performance against the Swiss on Wednesday night and get the victory we need to go any further in this competition, it will be Brian Kerr’s first victory over a team ranked in the top 50 in a competitive game since he took charge almost three years ago. Doesn’t really inspire you with confidence, does it? And should he achieve this maiden victory, we still have to negotiate a two-legged play-off against a side much better than Cyprus in order to qualify for next year’s football extravaganza in Germany. I’ve a funny feeling that my summer holidays next year will be in Tenerife or Lanzarote (or even Ayia Napa) and not Deutschland!!!! Still there’s always hope. Football’s a funny ‘ol game and maybe we’ll all be full of the joys of life again on Wednesday night at about quarter to ten when we skip out of Lansdowne with three points and the dream still alive. I won’t be betting on it though.

Until then...

PS – As usual we’re stuck for tickets for Wednesday night so if anyone thinks they might have a couple of tickets to spare for the Swiss game, we’d really appreciate if you could keep us in your thoughts!!!! An e-mail to info@thepeoplesflag.com with an offer of spares would ensure the sender of a lifetime of goodwill from the members of this website !!!!!!!